She's smiling, for the sake of smiling.

I just changed the blogskin. Random ah.
I don't like the background though. Whatever.
Isabel Tee is so pretty, but she humbly denies. Hehe.

Okay, I rather you tell me if you are unhappy with me. If you want to keep everything to yourself I can't do anything. Shucks. Thanks alot.

Let the nature take course.
And face the truth.




















Now I really understand a fact.
When you are trying to achieve something, you will lose something in the process. Be it friends, trust and even freedom. When you manage to achieve something, you will then realise how much you have missed or lost. It's seriously not worth it.

I wondered how much I've really lost. Alot, I guess. Friends, trust and many more. Its just not under our control. People tends to take things for granted.

Wednesday 25 February 2009
Yada Yada about classes. Drama was so fun! Alright, although I'm just a Stage Manager. But, you get to have fun. With the ladders, which are so cool. The ladder was like tall and, light. I can carry it with one hand. Yeah, I actually miss the rainbow. Well, I'm quite upset about that. But, its okay. I was spending my time with Naz and MissTan, talking about how to score for Literature, a subject I don't take. And, I reached home at 20: 42. Obviously, I got scolded. Thanks, Nazry. And, finally photos of the rainbow. Obviously I didn't take them, because, I didn't even see it. So I'm amazed. Its beautiful. And, yes I got all this from the net.


























Thursday 26 February 2009
Had usual classes in the morning. And, well of course I'm skipping all that. Oh yes, had the Kindness thing in the morning. The funniest thing is, Wimi was talking about her getting on stage. Then, her name was called out. Heh, I didn't want to put the coupon into the box. So, I have it here with me, now. (: After school, had that Conquer the final lap or something. I was quite affected by what Sabrina, the coach said. Not by the relationship thing. Whatever. Alright, she's really funny. And, fun. I think 4s2 is more hyper active than 4s1. Right? Reached home around 19:30 and only my dad was at home. So yeah. That's all, I guess.

Friday 27 February 2009

Which is like today. Ms Lee is really a joker. Seriously, she is a good teacher. (: I love her lessons. But, I was so tired today, I almost fell asleep. After school, went to gym. Well, uh. Don't talk about it. Hey, Haziqah, we need to train harder. Had Drama. Well, I was spending the whole time watching the SYF piece. Its wonderful, serious. Drama club, I'm sure we can aim for Gold with Honours. Had a great time with this bunch of crazy and fun-loving people. Sad thing for today was we won't be able to go for Miss Tan's play. Well, and I'm not planning to go on our own. No point, I guess.

Cry - Rihanna

I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
Cause I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truely
But at the time it didn't mean a thing

My mind is gone, i'm spinning round

And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed
Cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I shoulda never let you hold me baby
Maybe why i'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give to you on purpose
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart

My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

How did I get here with you, i'll never know
I never meant to let it get so, personal
After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

All my life...

Labels: Disappointed.

She wants it all back.
Her happiness, laughes, and smiles.

She's smiling.
But, not from her heart.




















I found out something very dumb.
When I used Mozilla Firefox, the words of the post will move to the side of the photos.
So I tried moving it down by pressing enter all the way.
And, on Internet Explorer you will see a huge chunk of blank thing.
So, I shall use Internet Explorer now on. So sorry.
I've edited it. So yeah. It looks fine now. :D

to Yeesuan:
Hey Bimbo! I'm surviving alright? I think I'm fine. Yeah, was quite affected by what she said. But, I'll keep it deep down. :D Hey, got to go out together alright? Hope you have time to go down to town with me and dental! But, my dental is not as high class as Shiqi's. Okay, whatever. And, your "Wow-ever".

to Haziqah:
You don't have a choice right now. You only choice is to go for it! We will be there for it. Yeah. I dare you to go. NurHaziqahBteRosidin is joining OP Idol. Bleah, I don't care. Right, people? You're getting into it because all of us will force you to get in. :D And, I don't know when is your birthday. Right Xingxia? By the way, Hort Park or Marina Barrage or Zoo. Haha. No way its going to be Marina Barrage right? I don't like zoo as well, I don't like animals. Oops.

to ShiWei:
Hey, I don't think I did anything to help. What I say was mostly learnt from all the relationship I got to interfere with. Sounds like I'm a kaypo huh. Okay, whatever. Yeah, some of whatever I say is just my own thinking, you don't have to take it to heart. Just some.. "information", I guess? But, I'm still saying this, this is an O' level year, try not to get into a relationship or something.

to WeiTing:
Come on, I don't think you're not that weak. You can do it, trust me. Ignore what others think about you. Think about what you want and what I think of you. You are a strong girl, that's who you are. Don't be like me, a coward. Get that?

Some people might say this, "She's out of love for too long, that's why she's asking others to stay out of love". I don't give a damn alright? Like I say, everyone has different perspective and views. If you think you can do it, in a relationship then go ahead. That's only my view, get that? Come on, if you're just using all this kind of words to "insult" me, then I can't do anything about it. Yes, I am venting my anger now. Forget it. You have you views, and I have mine. If you can face it alone, and I can't then I am a coward. That's it.

I was naive. So what. I don't get it.


" We tend to see and react to the physical aspect, the things that people do and/ or say. But, if we could only look within, just one aspect we might see something very different."
Its true. People get upset/ angry over small little things. Before they even find out if it was true or not. They react. They start to hurt each other in a way they did not even know. Alright, confession, I do that at times, I assume, I jump into conclusions. Well, I'm sorry. Yes, in some ways, people get affected by my actions. I understand that's something I've got to change as well. Well, I will do my best.

My life is really getting out of control. But, I will get the hang of it.

To whom it may concern:
I have been going home with you recently. I'm sorry if your feeling of me treating you like an object came back again. Well, I think its time we should catch up with each other. Really miss the times we were friends. True friends. Calling each other now and then. Crapping, gossiping and everything. What I see know is, I want to spend time with you. I am used to going home alone, or rather I love the feeling of going home alone. It gives me time to think. And reflect. Its good. But, whatever it is, I got to thank you. My friend.

I have something to say, to every single one of you out there.
Here I am, apologising to every single one of you. I might have hurt you, break your heart or whatever evil thing I did. I'm sincerely saying sorry.
I'm sorry.
I have been wondering, how many people or friends out there have I hurt. I don't know. For whatever I did. Take my word, I'm changing for the better. I'm tired of all this. Being stared at for no good reason. I hate that feeling. Its not a very nice feeling, after all.

A fight is not necessary.

Well, That's all.

Labels: Totally out.

Yeah, thats all.

Skip Tuesday. It was rather boring.

Wednesday 18/02
Drama, It was fun for me. Cause all I did was ran around the school, playing. Stage manager's job is so fun. Hah. Okay, My job is coming up soon. (: Looking forward though. Went home with Wimi. She lied. Hah.

Thursday 19/02
Had a scolding the minute we got back to class. Well, I was actually quite shock. Well, all I can say is to really buck up. What Ms Lee said was true. I agree with whatever she say. My results dropped totally when I got into Secondary3. Work harder. O's is around the corner. So yeah. Well, after school, stayed back for the cards. Xingxia did most of it. ): Sorry. Apologise. Went to the AVA room for the air-con as well as entertainment, and rushed off before Ms Tan came to us. Went home with Haziqah, and a secret person. Haha. Want fireworks huh. I tell you I give you the birthday popper thing. I don't want the zoo. Got to Yishun Park and was kind of pissed. Or rather upset. Whatever. Thats all. Now blogging.


White Horse - Taylor Swift
Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
And I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
And days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

[Chorus]
That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

[Chorus]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Here you are your sitting there
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rear view mirror disappearing now
Now it's too late for you and your white horse
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now.

To whom it may concern:
I've got to tell you this. If you don't get what I say into your head, no one can help you. You got to help yourself to get back on your feet. And, not only say that I want, but not doing anything to push yourself. You get what I mean. You got to stop all the crying. Concentrate on your studies. You should. Ask your teacher how to get the information into your head. I don't care what people might think of the way I'm telling you all this. As in I'm saying all this in a harsh way, But, I don't care, It has to get into your head. Today. You cannot say that you can't do it. You got to tell yourself, you can. Don't say you can't before you even succeed. Get it?

To whom it may concern:
Yes, so its my fault all this while. I know my character very well. I am weak, very weak. You guys know it. But, I didn't badmouth anyone. Everyone needs someone to talk to, she has you. I don't. All I can is talk to my friend. I don't see anything wrong with that. You need someone to talk to as well. I don't believe you face all your problems alone. But, whatever it is. Yes, I am weak. I did not gossip about her, or back stab anyone. If you think I am, then I can't do anything about it. She faced it alone. Come on, I am facing it too. Its not like she the only one who is hurt. Yes, you want to protect her, that I can't do anything too. Yes, I should "pretend" that it didn't happen. Use your heart, think about it, will pretending nothing happened work? It won't. We got to wok together and solve the problem together. And not avoid it. Do you get what I mean? I am a coward. On Wednesday, maybe whatever she said was because she cared. Then what about those after I say that I can't pretend nothing happened. Messages after messages. Let me ask you. When did I even badmouth about them? I did not. You are just assuming. I wasn't the one who wanted to talk to her the day before Valentine's. Forget it, whatever I said is untrue right. It is my fault, happy? She has the strength to face it alone, I don't.

Sorry, I need to get things cleared. I kept quiet. And, this is what I get. I did not even say anything. I just need friends to talk to, get it? And, I did not badmouth about them. If you don't like what I'm blogging. Then, don't read. And, just leave.

To whom it may concern:
Sorry, I don't understand why you are dragged into this. You should have kept quiet about it. Please, don't ask about it. I am not suppose to tell anyone. And face in on my own. Like she did. Get it?

To whom it may concern:
I'll let you have sunset but not fireworks. Come on, if you can get firework from magnesium and dilute hydrochloric acid, I laugh. Seriously. I don't want the zoo to see.. our ancestor. Hah. He's nice or funny though. (: Yeah, I get what you mean when you say he can be crazy. Whatever.

I've learn a lesson from all this:
1. Face my personal problems alone. No matter what happened.
2. If you want to interfere into others problem, listen to the both parties.
3. Keep quiet about everything.

Just shut up.
Girls, just grab the photos.
Arvinder, you want the ones not edited, get it from me.

Labels: Demoralised

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY!

















Sorry about the previous post anyway.
I'm alright, I'm serious.
I don't need others to pity me or something.
Maybe I am a bitch to some people.
I don't know. And don't give a damn.
Whatever.
Anyway, Thank You my friends.

Blog again soon. :D

Byes.
Will you be my Valentine?

Labels: Valentine's

Tag replies.
to shiwei: Dont bother to say anything. But, I'm not upset about drama. So no worries. I'm fine. (: Ignore me.
to kOky: Yeah, your name is there. I dont get it. How did you even know. Dont get involve, its not worth it.
to VINDER: It wont work out. If you're the only one who wants to get the clique back together. Then I can only say. Just use the energy on your homework instead. It wont work out. I've quit anyway.
to bye~: I'm alright. And linked.

So what if I'm single.
I don't need a man to control my life.
So what if you have a boyfriend.























There's nothing bad about being single.
I don't see the need to have a boyfriend.
I'm happy with my life now.
Whatever. Thanks alot, It hurts.
"You've been out of love for too long."
Damn.
Sheesh. I'm keeping quiet.
And, I want to see what will happen.

Labels: Damn.

I'm a changed person.
Not that girl you used to know.
I've got SuperPower. And, I can talk to walls.



















I used to think that love is something great. But, it isn't. It collapse if both parties don't play apart in the relationship. It applies for the love between friends, as well as family. We take things for granted. Everyone does that. Trust me.

Only to realise a relationship is so fragile which might fall apart anytime. All I can say is, you got to appreciate them. Your friends, your family. Lastly, your partner.

My words are strong at times. But, I only did that for one's good. I hope no one blames me for that. Sorry, if I hurt you in anyway. Don't hate me.

Today is Valentine. Show that you care and love them. Your friends, family and him/ her. Some us might spend a lonely Saturday. But, it doesn't matter. Spend it with your friends or your family. Valentine is not only for couples. Its for everyone. Don't sound so depress people.

I love those who came into my life and left a mark. Thank You. You guys made my life exciting and full of laughter. Valentine is not for couples, friends can celebrate Valentine too. :)

AngShuXin, Thank You.
You were the one who was there for me, maybe not all the time. But, well, I appreciate your help at times. Thanks. And, you know, your dumb friend here, is tired. She's trying to solve others problem, without solving hers. Thanks alot for being true to me. Well, I can only say, I'm not a good friend. Thats all.

IsabelTee, Thank You.
You are really a pretty friend. No worries. Don't try to fight huh. Thanks for listening to all the rubbish that I complaint to you. It helps I guess. And, making me freak out. I am still scared. Something good is. He's looking at someone diagonally in front of me. Thanks alot. I might just kiss you. Hah.

JolynTey, Thank You.
I guess you are the one who listens to all my complains and everything. Just like my rubbish bin. Hah. You are a great friend, and a perfect wall. Without pimples. Your birthday card is still with me. Remember to get it from me soon. Or it will be your birthday present this year. Heh. Thanks. Wall.

LeeKokKiong, Thank You.
You are the very nice one. (: You shouldn't go out so often. Go to the chalet after O'levels alright? I don't want to go out before O's or plan anything. So yeah. I believe we'll have fun at the end of the year. As for the jacket, I'm so broke. ):

LimXingXia, Thank You.
You moved me on. Now, you have to move on too. Gather all your strength. Friends are here for you. Jiayou. Hey, btw. I'm sorry. I know, you think that I dont trust you guys, but thats not the case. It just happened that, I'm not use to tell anyone my problem this year. I still have to say this, I'm sorry.

MadeleineYeo, Thank You.
Now, I don't want to go out before O's. So Yeah. Will organise class parties with you at the end of the year. I got an idea. But, I don't think you will like it. But, Nevermind. Jacket, you do it. I feel like not getting it.

Nickels, Thank You.
You dumb. By the ways. Afternoons are very boring, right. Then find something to do. You can do it, strong man. The one who catches his breath with hands. Entertainment is needed on Saturday afternoon. Maybe, Fridays too.

NurHaziqah, Thank You.
You irritating girl. Aren't you tired of my complains. Hah, I don't understand your blog recently. 7March. In don't know how many days. (: I need to breathe. I need the book as well. I will tell you about him another day. Not tomorrow.

SinYeeSuan, Thank You.
Hey, woman. You retard. Gossiping isn't good alright? I'm not gossiping anymore. Haha. Next time, I guess. :) By the way, I use to be like her, so stupid okay. But, I've got power. To talk to the wall to release stress. Maybe I've lost the power already.

TanShiQi, Thank You.
You rock, woman. :) I can do it, so can you. LOLS. Forgive and forget is very important, and good phrase. I told you the world's deepest secret. About _____. God. Zip up okay? :) Months to redeem yourself. Jiayou. Although I don't know what you talking about. Haha.

Bananas.
Girls, I got to ask you guys something. I hope you guys can give me an answer soon. Do you think this friendship should continue. Like what YeeSuan say, (a) Solve the problem together. (b) Split but still be friends. If we are friends, we dont need a clique to keep us together. Friends stick together not by name but by our hearts. (:

To whom it may concern:
I dont understand why we have to end up like that. Not even friends.

Saturday afternoon is boring! Spent eating dars, and had a long chat. The past. Not really a good topic though. Btw, the love story line is good. On hills. Romantic uh.

Skip school days. :)

I might become a Stage Manager again. Well. What a good job.
But, I'm happy about it. Alright.

























































Past. This word strucked me. How much do you remember about your past. Do you know that your clear-est memory is your sadness and your happiness.

Some photos of the past. The happines that was written on my face. And, somerecent photos with the same smile. (:

Yes, you have your perfect life. A perfect family. I don't, I'm living in a house that I don't wish to be in. I'm not having a perfect life like you. I wished I did. Yes, I'm not as talented/ capable like you. I got to admit about that. Yes, I'm irritating. And, I can't pretend nothing happened. I talked to her. But, when I was just like her, did anyone ever cared. No. I had to stand strong. On my own.

This post might be a little over.
But, I'm not really in my best condition.
So, I'll apologise about this post.
Sorry.
I wanted to post it on Valentine day itself, but I've decided to post it now.
I can do it, so can you. (:
Trust me, Try smiling everyday.

Labels: Confused.

I'm tired. Really.
You don't even understand how I feel.

























Its been a really hectic week.
Test. Homework. Problems. They come in chunks.
I'm so tired. I almost broke down on Wednesday.
I was in such a bad mood.
I can tell you something. Very clearly.
Whenever I in a bad mood, never ever talk to me about relationship problem.
Cause, I will end up scolding you.
Like what I did.
Sorry. You know who you are. Didnt mean it.

I almost cried today.
I was talking to someone about relationship stuffs.
She was so weak. Sorry.
But, I think thats the right word to use.
You choose to be in a relationship.
You got to be strong and face the problems.
Never run away from it.

And, of course.
Once a relationship starts.
Someone will be hurt.
To that someone. Stand strong.
I believe you can do it with your friends.
Jiayou.

As for you.
If you think its the right thing to do. Then, 'Just do it'.
You'll get your chocolate. Soon.
Damn you. You leave me online here. Alone.

I'm still coping well. Living this life alone.

P.S. Please, take care.

Byes. I'll blog again. Whenever I'm free.

Labels: Tired. Collapsed.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Its true. Thanks.
Now, I'm upset and jealous.



























Happy Birthday to Someone.
Hope you like the present. (:
Best wishes.
Thanks for the slap anyway.

Alright. Enough of the crap.
Its been a long time since I blogged. And, I think I have alot to say.
Its just whether you understand or not.

Before I start about that.
Lets start with you know. The usual.

Saturday 30/ 01
Flag day. Okay, I practically dragged myself out of my bed.
The first person I saw in school, ruin my day.
I slammed the door. (Well, got scolded by my dad for that.)
Whatever. Wait for I dont know how long.
Finally we went off.
Sembawang Junction. Well, lost our way.
But, it was fun. (:
At least, I manage to talk to Jolyn.
Reached. Went Bungalow-to-Bungalow.
They are rich. Really rich.
Its really tiring. Got home. Rest, sleep, and dream.
Stupid dream.
Night, had a "chat" with someone. Long time since we chatted.

Skip Sunday, I had tuition that day. Thats all.
Skip all the other days as well. School days, as usual.
Nothing interesting. (:

Wednesday 04/ 02
Had Drama. You can say it fun.
But, I didnt really know whats happening.
It tells you something, never ever miss Drama.
Walked home. Well, Its a good experience, with ShuXin.
Manage to tell her somethings.
But, somethings are to be kept as a secret. (:

Thats all for that.
Some words for some people.

To whom it may concern:
You guys really make me tired.
If this continues, no point if I'm the only one who is trying to get it going.
If you guys dont like it, why not we just split it.
I mean, its really really tiring for me.
I dont even know whats there for me to do.
Its up to you guys if you want it to keep it going.
I'm the one who started it, I can also be the one who ends it.

To whom it may concern:
Thanks alot. You make me feel so "happy". You know who you are. I am jealous and upset.
Am I transparent to you.
To whom it may concern:
If thats how she feels, i cant do anything, cause I dont think I'm wrong.

Whatever.
Got to go, Homework time.

Till then.
Byes.

Labels: Thanks.