Weak.
Teared.
Cried.
Heard.
And, it broke.

Labels: Inconsolable.

/edited.
Can someone just slap me? I
m falling for you, all over again.
















Happy Moo Year.
Okay, I'm back to posting. After a 'long' holiday.
Visiting is really boring.

Monday 26/1
Practically crawled out of my bed. It was 8, and they are already celebrating and stuff. I slept at 5, in the morning. Lacked of sleep. Got ready. My mom and sisters are really slow. We finally got out of the house, after for one an hour.
First destination, my grandma's house. My grandma looks stronger. I'm happy about that. (: Stayed there for two hours, or so. Then, went to my grandmother's house. Fell asleep on the sofa. Next, my Aunt's house. Dinnertime. Played with kids. Gambled, a little. My mom got drunk, I think. Go home. Watch tv. Bathe. Sleep.

Tuesday 27/1
Happy Birthday to someone. (: Woke up at 10. Left house at 1 plus. Watch movie. The Wedding Game. Quite nice. Quite boring. You know, Love story. Its always the same. Almost fell asleep in the cinema. Went to Aunt's house after that. Dinner. Watch tv. Talk to my Aunt. Gambled. Went home. And, I tried red wine. (:

Oh ya, the eclipse!

Wednesday 28/1
Drama. Auditioned the Secondary ones. They are good, and cute. Had some activities. Along with Arvinder, Shuxin, Nazry, Azira, ZhiQing and Michelle. Manage to create a really, interesting but dumb performance. God..You look.. (:
Le..

Friday 30/1
Went for dental. Well, all I can say is.. Never ever go shopping alone. It will let your mind go wild. I was walking, and memories came into my mind, endless. I couldnt take it further and broke down on the Mrt. Damn. I want to be slap.

I'm really upset.












































To whom it may concern:
Happy Belated Birthday.
Sorry, no time to buy your present. I will buy it tomorrow, I guess. No worries. I will get it for you. Just be patient. Or should I give you toilet roll. Heh, okay. Joking. (:

To whom it may concern:
I'm sorry.

To whom it may concern:
I really really want to be slap. Seriously.

To whom it may concern:
Dont ask. You will regret it. I'm not lying. The more you know about it, the more you will hate him. And, you got to suffer the pain as well. But, after a period of time, you will understand that you shouldnt hate him, but try to be friends once again. Although, it might not work. You are just like me, months ago. So stubborn, and upset. Its okay. You will get over it. (:

To whom it may concern:
I dont understand how he can forget you so easily when he actually say that he loved you. It kind of make me hate him. Sorry. But, hey, Dont you think he's like those playboys. Something that I dont understand is, his friends around is so happy about that attachment. Whatever. Dont care about him alright. And, about him. I think you should talk to him. You know what to do. (: Dont break down again.



Untitled- Simple Plan
I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Byes.

Labels: Not Super after all.

Let go now, and get hold of future.
You're already blessed to have him, once, not long ago.


























To whom it may concern:
Hey, you really got to stand strong.
You know when I first broke up with him.
I was just like you, crying almost everyday.
It really hurts to see him.
But, I've got to move on and live my own life, alone.
So if I can do it, why can't you.
The more you hold on to him, the pain you're going to suffer would be more.
Why dont you let go now, focus on your studies.
If he still loves you even after the O's, then you can get back to him.
Stand strong.

Trust me, for my case, its been three months.
I'm suffering inside, but dont talk about it.
You have friends to help you to move on.
You and him might be from the same class, but just treat him as a friend.
I believe you can do it. Move on!
You have better things to do, dont spend your time thinking about it.

I dont think you should talk to him about it already.
I once thought I should, but I was wrong.
Dont do anything before you lose him, even as a friend.
He said he loves you. Then trust him.
Take the words, keep it deep down in your heart.
And, move on.

If you want something after the O's, you might want to make a pact or something.
But, you got to be ready for the worse.
He might just say no, in the end.

Stop crying, seriously.
Its not good for you.
I cried almost everyday for the first two months.
And, I hate it.

I know you still love him. I do too.
But, you got to let go. Leave him alone.
If not its not really good for both of you.

Dont be like me.
Causing everything to come to an end.
A full-stop.
Look within yourself and realise how strong you are.
Leave all the bad memories behind, and start a new.
I can do it, so can you. :)

To whom it may concern:
He might have fight, or whatever.
I dont know what I should say about it.
You should think twice.
His friends are a bit too much.
I'm sorry. But, I dont really like the idea of you guys, together.
No offence.
I know he changed.
But, you wont know what will happen.
Think twice.

Okay, sorry for the long and wordything up there.
Alright, I clean most of the house.
But, you see, they are not even grateful about it.
Nevermind. Its New Year, shall keep quiet.
So yeah, Chinese New Year is like just hours away.
And, I'm excited.
Looking forward to the red packets.
But, not the visitings, you know boring.
Bleah.
This time no one to entertain me.
I'm going rot, eat and watch tv. And, let time past.

Okay, I have nothing else to blog about.
Till then. (:

Byes.
Love you.

Letting go, really soon.



















I finally realise how lonely I am.
Without friends, and family.
I got really use to it, that I didnt even notice.
Till today.
I still feel a little care from my friends.
But, none from my family.

They treat me like strangers.
I've teared. Behind them.
They look like a family.
But, I'm not part of them.

I've really collapsed this time.
I dont know how long I need to stand up again.

Byes. I've teared once again.

Labels: Alone.

Looking forward. Hoping. Praying. Asking.




















Just blogged, the Banana's blog.
Well, I can only say I'm not only bored, but also tired.
Getting ready for Chinese New Year and stuffs.
My back, my head. It hurts.

By the way, Isabel freak me out today.
That news. Oh my. Once again.
I dont have the protection, I use to have.
But, I have the Bananas. According to Xingxia.
Isabel, thanks. For freaking me out.
Second time.
___, talk to me on facebook.
Okay. Shut up.

The Chinese New Year concert.
It was so freaking boring.
I think the only interesting one is the Dance and the Drama.
I'm from Drama, what do you expect.
I'm falling in love with Drama, and the crazy drama members.
They rock. Seriously.

The post yesterday.
Was a little too emotional.
And, so I'll apologise for that.
I learn something today. From Ms Lee.
Dont use vulgarities on others.
The pain they are going to suffer is much more than slapping him/ her.
So, yes. Now, I'm going to keep the number of vulgarities I use down.
Even on the blog. (:

She asked me.
If I am still.. Yes, I do.
But, girl. Keep it as a secret.
Please. I do not want to affect anyone.
But, of course. I'm trying to get rid of that feeling.

See you guys soon.
The next time I'm blogging would be after Chinese New Year.

P.S. I'm irritated
I still love you, I do.
Byes.

Labels: Dreaming.

In life there is alot of coincidence.
Three full months had past.
Time flies, really fast.
















There are alot of things that I want to say in this post.
But, I dont know how to put it all in words.
Or rather, I have a urge not to blog about them.
Alright, I will talk about some.
Those that you guys can/ should know.
I dont even know if anyone is reading.

There are times, I want to scream all my pains.
I'm getting really unfriendly, as well as mean.
Thats the change in me.
I know, and I notice the change in me.
I dont need anyone to tell me this time, I can feel it.
But, hey.. I got to tell you this.
People change according to the surroundings, as well as, the problems and feelings.

Being mean and stuff.
It really pull me away from my friends.
Now, I treat everyone just as a friend.
I dont tell anyone my problems.
None.

I got to apologise to some of my friends.
If I ever hurt you in anyway, my words, my actions or in any other way.
I sincerely apologise .
I'm sorry. Really sorry.
I hope I dont have to name you guys.
Shuxin, Haziqah, Salim, Madeleine, Xingxia, Yeesuan, Arvinder, and so on.

Tests
You know..

Okay, this might come a little too late.
But, I have to do it.
Some things that got to be done by this year.
1. Work really hard for Amaths. (Not dropping it.)
2. Physics, as well.
3. Move on, and face the future.
4. Get rid of my bad habits. And, my..
5. L1 R4- at least a 15.

Okay, I got to work doubly hard to achieve all this.
So yeah.
By the way, Chinese New Year is coming soon!
Well, I'm happy.

P.S. Love never dies. (:

Byes.

Labels: Cries.

Cherish your love ones, or you will regret in future. Or when you lost them. Tell them, you love them.























Week started with tuition and stuffs. :(
Well, getting use to it already. At least, I need to.
Getting ready for Chinese New Year and everything.
:) Its coming in four days.
Screams. I'm excited.

An unexpected thing happen this week.
Practically shock.
The other girls as well.
Freaky. I need the protection I use to have.
I almost.. had a heart-attack. Phew.

And, yes. Coward. You bastard/ bitch.
Since you dont have the guts to write your name down on the tagboard.
Then just shut up.
If I'm naive, then you're dumb.
Your name is unknown huh.
I will tell you this.. the banana's friendship would not just break because of the crap you say.
Oh yes, and we dont give a damn.
You coward.

My back hurts badly.
I dont know why.
I dont want to go to the doctor. And, this is the result.
Bear with the pain, girl.

To whom it may concern:
Hey, you got to see what is much important. O's or that.
Think, if the love is still there. After O's, you guys can still get back together.
You got to weigh the priorities. I know you are strong.
Talk to me, if you need to. (: Dont collapse.

To whom it may concern:
Since you like to invade my privacy so much, do you want to just kill me instead.
It will save your time to check on me, as well as my time to hide things from you.
I cant take it further.

To whom it may concern:
I guess, our friendship will never get any better.
Drifting apart. I feel so helpless.
There's nothing I can do.


Scream - Zac Efron

The day a door is closed
The echoes fill your soul
They wont say which way to go
Just trust your heart
To find you're here for
Open another door
But Im not sure anymore
Its just so hard

Voices in my head
Tell me they know best
Got me on the edge
Theyre pushing, pushing
theyre pushing
I know theyve got a plan
But the balls in my hands
This time its man to man
I'm driving, fighting inside

A world that's upside down
And spinning faster
What do I do now without you

I dont know where to go
Whats the right team
I want my own thing
So bad Im gonna scream
I cant choose, so confused
Whats it all mean
I want my own dream
So bad Im gonna scream

Im kicking down the walls
I gotta make em fall
Just break through em all
Im punchin, crashing Im gonna
Fight to find myself
Me and no one else
Which way, I cant tell
Im searchin, searchin
Cant find theway that I should
turn
I should turn right or left
Itsits like nothing works
without you

I dont know where to go
Whats the right team
I want my own thing
So bad Im gonna scream
I cant choose, so confused
Whats it all mean
I want my own dream
So bad Im gonna scream
Yeah the clocks running down
Hear the crowd gettin loud
Im consumed by the sound
Is it her, is it love
Can the music ever be enough
Gotta work it out, you can work it out
You can do it, you can do it

I dont know where to go
Whats the right team
I want my own thing
So bad Im gonna scream
I cant choose, so confused
Whats it all mean
I want my own dream
So bad Im gonna scream

I dont know where to go
Whats the right team
I want my own thing
I want my own thing
I cant choose, so confused
Whats it all mean
I want my own dream
So bad Im gonna scream
Oh!
Aaughhhhhh!

Labels: Cherish.

Trying to smile. Everyday.
Sincerely apologise to someone. We were a little too much.
And, I finally had the courage.



















Well, I really miss the smiles I had.
Okay, cut the crap.

Wednesday, the Secondary one came to join us.
They were kind of cute.
Miss P. and Miss V.P was selected.
Take your time guessing.
Had fun with the Upper S_ _.

The class decoration.
It looks.. nice. But, something is missing.
The pictures of us. (:

Did my English presentation today.
My face was burning. Dont know why.
And, its end of this week.(:

The week ended fast enough.
It flew.
It shows that time flies.
Before we know it, O's are coming.

Labels: What if.

Getting moody nowadays. Trying to control it.
But, we seem to meet each other, so often.
I cant forget you, at all.



















Whatever, better wake up. This year is an important year.
You got to work hard. (: Gambeteh.
You got to work hard as well. I believe you can get 11 points. Its not impossible. (:

About 3 months had past.
Really long. Its been tough. But, it shows how much a friend is to me.
I need someone to talk to, play with and do everything together.
But, of course, I need time alone as well. To think.
And, of course I know, I'm actually quite 'evil' to go home with couples.
You know its like a way to stab yourself, or causing problems to them.
The dumb-est thing is, I actually still think of the times we spend together.
And, smile at it. Okay, very dumb, I know.
Have been keeping myself occupied everyday.
There are times, I wanted to message you, but.. control.(:

Had Additional Mathematics test today.
Well, didnt really know what I'm doing.
But, I think.. I'm going to work harder for that.

My cousin got 11 points for L1 R4, Oh my.
She can get into the course she wants, Biomedical. (:



Hate That I Love You - Rihanna; Ne-Yo
Yeah... hey... Oh...

That's how much I love you (yeah)
That's how much I need you (yeah, yeah, yeahah)
And I can't stand ya
Almost everything you do
Makes me wanna smile
Even I like you for a while (no... oh...)

But you won't let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

But I hate it...
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long that's wrong

But I hate it...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't want to fuss... and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you

And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oooh whoah...)
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oooh...)

And you completely know the power that you have
The only one that makes me laugh

Said that it's not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I love you beyond the reason why (why...)
And it just ain't right

And I hate how much I love you girl
I can't stand how much I need you (yeah...)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can't let you go
But I hate that I love you so

One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

Yeaahhh... Oohh...

As much I love you (as much as I need you oh...)
As much as I need you (oooh... as so much I love you)
As much I love you (oh...)
As much as I need you

And I hate that I love
You soooooooo!

And I hate that I love you soooo
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need ya (cant stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go (but I just can't let you go no...)
And I hate that I love you so

And I hate that I love you so... soo...

Labels: Moving away.

What if, I confessed to him that I'm actually still in love with him.


















Trying my very best to get you off my mind.
But, at times, I really look forward to seeing you. Sheesh.
Sometimes, I even wonder, whats wrong with me.
I think I'm mad.
I feel I'm living in this world alone.
There are things I want to say, but, I dont dare to.
Things are going through my mind.
My life is like in a mess.
A huge mess.

Fall For You -Secondhand Serenade
The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Ohh, but hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

Labels: Tears flowing.

Still dreaming.

Had CCA Orientation today.
It was superb! Cause, I had lots of fun.
But, maybe not the waiting part.
I totally _____ down.
Okay, shut up about that.
We got the amount of secondary one students we want. (:
Which is a good thing, if not.. drama might just..

Whatever.
Okay, when to SP on thursday.
I was kind of boring cause we were suppose to go around on your own.
And, we had no idea where to go.
The course isnt that good.

Went to TP on friday.
I love the design course.
I might just take one of the courses there.
Or, the Psychology one.
Alright, whatever I say now is like just a target for me.
So, got to work hard towards it. (:

Yes, I'm kind of jealous.
Or whatever words that I am suppose to use.
Someone is going to ask me the same question again.
Then why did you leave ... in the first place.
But, do we have to just like strangers.

Byes. Tuition. And homeworks.

Labels: Totally jealous.

She's tired right now.

School started for like only 6days.
And, I'm already suffering. ):
Nevermind. According to Isabel, I'm much stronger.
And yes, I was crying on the bus, sorry. Couldnt control it.
I know what course I wanna get in already.
Okay, I'm happy, now got to work hard and get into it. (:
Trying not to talk about that so..
Oh ya, the poly students are friendly. (:

My life recently is like in a mess.
Quarrelled with my parents, suffered dont know what. Just a feeling. ):
Okay, keeping myself occupied in any way.
But, the fact is, it dont work at all.

Of course, someone is better.
Living in a world of..

I know my post are getting short.
But, well, there's nothing for me to talk about.
Since I dont want to hurt anyone.
So, just bear with it or something.

Byes. Orientation tommorow.
Its tiring.

Labels: Goals of life.

Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you're keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally came to understand tat work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls- family, friends, health, integrity- are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be shattered. And, once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the be beginnings of balance in your life.

School had started. Not that wonderful. Kind of hate school nowadays, oops.
Alright, by the way, O's Mother Tongue's paper is like 1st June. Not even 6 months. Oh my. And, I got to get an A. If not, I think I'm taking a re-test. (: O's is like in less than 11 months. Freaking scary. Okay, time to buck up and study hard. And, I'm trying! I kind of hate History lessons. Sorry, but.. eh, its boring.. and hard to breathe.

Blar, relationship with friends is like getting worse. I dont know why, Shuxin, I dont like talking nowadays. So, dont bother about me when I keep quiet. (: And.. hey, I'm trying to talk to you alright, but, you dont seem to like it.. so, fine with me, I think I should keep quiet.

Actually, I dont know whats wrong with me for the past few days. I think I'm getting dumb-er, angrier and disappointed. ): Blar, dont care ah. Moving on well. Oh, and yes. Height and weight. Oh my, I grew taller. Much taller. (: And fatter, I think. 166.5 cm. (:

Labels: Way of Life.

Angry.
Unhappy.
Sad.
Mad.
I dont know.